EPISODE 903: 1998 - PUMAMAN (DONALD PLEASANCE & WALTER GEORGE ALTON - 1980)
Bearing an almost uncanny resemblance to TV's 'Greatest American Hero', PUMAMAN (or, as Tom prefers it throughout: Pyou May-min) centers around some paleontological shlub named Professor Tony Farms (Alton) who has 'weird feelings when danger is near' and eventually discovers, thanks mostly to ancient Aztec spirit-guide in human form, Vadinho, that he has the following abilities of a PUMA: flight and walking through stuff. Yes, PUMAman. Whatever. Meanwhile, some bad guys led by Kobras (Pleasance), have taken possession of an ancient Aztec mask with which they can control anyone just by creating a mock-up of the target's head. Yep. However, the only caveat is that PUMAMAN can utterly ruin their nefarious plans and so he must be killed. Surprisingly (not really), one of Kobras' victims daughter, Jane, has a thing for Tony (Pyou May-min) and, even when under mind control, seeks to aid him. Back at PUMAMAN central, Vadinho teaches the incredibly whiny and unforgivably bland Tony how to use his powers augmented by a special belt that once worn gives Tony several of the following: slacks, a lovely cape, and pretty boots. Eventually, after many long minutes of Tony soaring through a moving matte backdrop, he vanquishes evil, saves the mask, and watches Vadinho return to his space ship (??). THE END!!
Running through the fully Italian cast
Mike: "At least this movie will have nice shoes."
Jane sits reading the ancient Aztec inscription on the mask. :"It's a curse!"
Crow: "It says the 'F' word."
Kobras' (Pleasance's) big head pops on screen
Mike: "It's an egg! Oh, wait, it's just Donald Pleasance..."
Tony sitting in a room full of skeletons mulling over some bones
Crow: "Oh who am I kidding? I can't build a cat!"
Fadinho looking confused as Tony runs from him in the dark, flipping on lights
Tom: "Wow! Look at all the Farrah Fawcett posters!"
Tony climbs into a dumbwaiter trying to escape the bad guys
Mike: "Ironic: he looks like a waiter and he's dumb! Ha... sorry."
Tony punches a hole in the roof of the mansion
Mike: "Thank goodness they made the house out of peanut brittle."
Tony consistently whines about his powers to Fadinho while he's being trained
Fadinho: "Come this way."
Tom: "I'll kill you over here."
Jane is seen walking up the path to her father's mansion in huge boots
Crow: "Man, with those boots she has to use high-altitude baking directions."
Another quick close up of Kobras
Mike: "Hey, a cantaloupe! No, wait, it's just Donald Pleasance."