WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? (TBP)

The concept is pretty funny. Take classic comics of all types and completely rewrite all the dialogue and exposition to create a new comic with tongue firmly lodged in cheek. We get war stories, space stories, western stories, heck, there's even a Bigfoot story. The Bigfoot story actually reminded me of a similar story done by Robert Crumb.
Some of the stuff is laugh out loud funny. The cover to one of the issues has a guy explaining these big foot tracks to his friend who has a look of fear on his face and he pauses to say, 'It's right there isn't it?' No idea why this tickles my funny bone so damned much, but I laughed just now while typing it.
I think they rely on the gay card a little too much in some of the stories. It's like they couldn't come up with something witty so they just went with everyone being gay.
Also, give credit where credit is due. Tell us who wrote the original stories and give credit to the artists. I like to think that the group that is doing this would get pretty ticked if they weren't given credit for some of their artwork. Give props where they deserve to be given, folks.
so, What Were They Thinking? Probably not much, but as long as I have that Bigfoot cover I will be laughing for a while.
Brought to us by the lovely folks over at BOOM!Studios who I must say have been putting out some seriously good books lately. Go check out their website for more info.

NEW TITLES FROM VIRGIN COMICS

Got a mini pile of things to review from Virgin a couple of days ago and thought I would run them down for you peoples.
First up we have Jenna Jameson's Shadow Hunter. I have to hand it to Jameson. She knows where her bread is buttered and is so diversified that her empire will run long after she is gone. She may be one of the most famous modern porn stars on the planet and you know what? Good for her. At least she's not one of those skanky porn queens that get scarier by the minute.
But how's the comic?
Pretty good. The idea that she hunts these shadow thingies that are part of a parallel universe seems cool. The artwork is pretty good as well. Will I buy it? No, but I can think of a lot of fans of things like Witchblade that are going to make this comic pretty popular.

The Stranded is next on the list and, well I'm not impressed. It's got people with superhero powers, but not all of them know they have them and there's some huge conspiracy thing going on. Sounds trite and contrived? Yeah, that's because it is. The artwork is reminiscent of all that horrid, over muscled artwork that Marvel foisted on us in the nineties. This one is definitely on the miss list.



Dan Dare is last on the list and this time I saved the best for last. The British master of space is back and Virgin has him. Dan is retired now, but it doesn't take long before an alien threat is going to destroy us all. Who is gonna save us? Dan Dare, that's who. Virgin has managed to keep the feel of the original Dan Dare and update him for a new generation while keeping him true to the roots that we all remember and love. Of the three books I received this week, Dan Dare is the outstanding entry in the field.

JUSTICE LEAGUE; NEW FRONTIER CONTEST!!!

That's right kiddies, the disc you have all been waiting for has three of them available for giveaway here at Penguin Comics. All you need to do is send off your address and name to dwaltzwriter@yahoo.com for a chance to win one of the three discs we have waiting here for the lucky winners. Nothing fancy, we'll do a drawing from all of the names we receive. Be sure to put JUSTICE LEAGUE in the subject line of your email. The drawing goes until Feb. 26th.
Good luck to all.
Now, for a little review of the disc;
Inspired by the best-selling graphic novel by Darwyn Cooke and produced by the multiple Emmy® award winning animation legend, Bruce Timm, The New Frontier is the epic tale of the founding of the Justice League. Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman are all here of course, and so are Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter and Flash - whose incredible origins will be told for the very first time. Strangers at first, these very different heroes must overcome fear and suspicion to forge an alliance against a monster so formidable, even the mighty Superman can not stop it. If they fail, our entire planet will be cleansed of humanity.
This is a great piece of animation and perfectly captures the feel of the original series by Cooke.

MARVEL COMICS NEEDS TO KNOCK IT OFF!!

Okay, first they killed Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain America (Pictured above) Now, they have turned The Hulk red and Spider Man has made a deal with the devil to get Aunt May back and lose Mary Jane in the process. Aunt May is what, a bazillion years old? Be a man, Spidey, and let it go. Sheesh! This constant abuse from Marvel aimed squarely at it's readers has got to stop.
I have a solution.
Fire Joe Quesada.
He is the reason that Wolverine, Nick Fury and Howard The Duck don't smoke in comics anymore. Come on! I have been reading these characters for decades and had a lot less television propaganda concerning smoking waaaay back when and guess what? Didn't smoke. Not a smoker. Comics are not why people smoke. Howard The Duck without a cigar is unnatural.
Now, they are bringing back Captain America. Is it Steve Rogers? Then it ain't Captain America! Are writers so hard up that they constantly abuse the Death Card in their stories. I read comics for decades and they hardly ever did that. And when they did it was a big deal. Remember when they killed Captain Stacy and Gwen? Big deals. Now, they wipe out people on a regular basis and bring them back faster than they killed them.
Hey, Quesada, instead of worrying that a talking duck is gonna make kids smoke, why not worry that they constant barrage of death with no consequences is going to make children numb to the fragility of life and how it's a thing to be treasured not a writers device because they have no talent. Seems like that might be a little more important, dont ya think?
Tell ya what, Marvel. I will be glad to fill in for Quesada while you're looking for a real editor who doesn't have his head in his ass. Let's bring back the Marvel Comics that we all remember so fondly and stop this agenda that one man who seems bent on destroying Marvel Comics.
Oh and DC Comics? You aren't doing much better so watch it!

MEET THE SPARTANS

So, it was a lovely, freezing Sunday and Martha and I decided to go to the movies with the kids. Of course, the ladies wanted nothing to do with MEET THE SPARTANS,so they went to see NATIONAL TREASURE 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. Me and the three lads opted for the toliet humor instead.
Using the basic framework of 300, the people who make all those spoof movies have finally made another good one. They manage to keep their focus on the basic storyline but interjected a lot of other films in the process. Among them are SHREK 3, SPIDER MAN 3 (Hmmm, seeing a pattern)and TRANSFORMERS. They give us quite a lot of gay humor, basically the Spartan men are gay and this works pretty well throughout the flick because they don't quite beat it to death.
They take stabs at Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Starbucks, blue screen effects in movies. Really anything that tickles their fancy.
In the end it was funny and that is really all that matters with this kind of movie. Kevin Sorbo was hilarious especially when he threatens to go all Hercules on someones ass. I fell out of my chair on that one.
I look forward to the inevitable unrated edition that will hit the DVD shelves sometime next month.
Oh, and a special note for you parents out there, my seven year old thought it was hilarious everytime that Leonidas said SHIT. And he says it a lot. Ahhh, good old fashioned toilet humor is finally making a richly deserved comeback.
Finally, one last thing. Carmen Electra is freaking smoking in this flick! She wears as little as possible and looks fantastic! There's a scene where all she has on is a slice of pizza and two tomato slices (I'll let you geniuses figure out where they are strategically placed) and I actually said WOW! in the theater. Want to go to the theater and just have fun without engaging your brainpan? then MEET THE SPARTANS is your ticket to hilarity.

TOP TEN OF 2007

There was one thing that I wish did not happen in 2007. That is the passing of my good friend and founder of this site, Larry Stanley. I never met Larry in person, but talked a couple of times on the phone. I know that he's in a better place, but I'm selfish so, I miss him.
Tradition dictates that I mention the top ten films in my humble opinion for 2007. These are flicks that are things I watch that made a big impact on me for the year. This year has more mainstream than usual, but that's okay.

Here we go, and these are in no particular order.

10. 300. This movie was amazing to me. The first time I watched it my jaw dropped. I saw this six times in the theaters and would have seen it more, but they stopped playing it.
Stupid ass theaters! This movie tells me that director Zack Snyder will be perfect for THE WATCHMEN.

9. SHOOT 'EM UP. The perfect popcorn movie. You take your brain out and leave it at home because you won't need it. Your adrenaline gland, you'll need because this thing is a perfect, film going rush. It comes out on New Year's Day on DVD and I am going to be first in line for this baby. Oh yeah. And could Monica Bellucci be any hotter? She makes all the blonde, Hollywood types look like friggin dogs. Oh yeah and Clive Owen is the MAN!

8. TRANSFORMERS. In the beginning when the scorpion transformer is stalking the army guys through the desert I could not get this foolish grin off my face. They had done one of my childhood memories right. By the type we got to Optimus Prime I was in Geek Heaven. And that Megan Fox. Someone gave that girl the correct last name. She had best be in the sequel, Michael Bay. You hear me Bay? And, of course I got the cool transforming DVD case when it came out. I am such a geek!

7. DESPERATION . I know what you're thinking and no this isn't the flick by Stephen King. This is a much more terrifying film. When young Abby gets in a car accident in the woods and is pinned in her car she thinks she's in big trouble. When two teenage boys show up to her rescue, the trouble gets worse. Much worse. This was one of those microbudget things I review from time to time and I was amazed at how gripped I was with the whole thing. I started out watching it from the comfort of my bed, stretched out like always. By the time it was over I was sitting up on the edge of the bed. Micro budget either works well or it fails miserably. In this case it worked as well as I have seen it in years.

6. CHANTAL . This is one of those Seduction Cinema things where they release a film by exploitation master, Nick Phillips and then make their own version. In this case they left it to the capable devices of director Tony Marsiglia (LUST FOR DRACULA)The film itself shows us Misty Mundae playing waaaaay too innocent, but she makes it work. The best part of the film is listening to the commentary with Tony and Misty. You can hear here and how she related a little too well to this naive character. You can hear that she is sick of thinking she's going to break out from her low budget roots and go on to better things when it isn't lining up as well as she would want it to. Having been a fan of Misty's for quite some time it broke my heart a little to hear how disillusioned she has become in such a short period of time. While I like Tony's LUST FOR DRACULA more than CHANTAL, this is still a fine film. The original has a commentary with Nick Phillips that is required listening.

5.SWEENY TODD, THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET . My wife and my oldest daughter and I saw a staged production of this a few years back. Delia, my daughter loved the play. We took everyone to see this one and none of us were disappointed. Even my seven year old son sat there and quietly watched the whole thing without complaints. I loved watching Johnny Depp and Alan Rickman singing together. This is Tim Burton in top form.

4. FEAST OF FLESH. My friends Amy Lynn Best and Mike Watt have the distinction of being on the list two years running with the same film. How is that? You may ask. Let me tell you. I first saw it at a convention under it's original title ABATTOIR in 2006. Then it was released under it's new title this year so, it counts. Besides, it may be the most intelligent vampires in a brothel versus the local townies flick you will ever see. The blood flows freely as does the acres of beautiful woman flesh. It's always a delight to see Rachelle Williams kick some ass and the premise of what will repel a vampire is nothing short of ingenious. What is it, you ask? Buy the damned flick and find out. Best money you'll spend this year.

3. SPLATTER BEACH. I have this guilty pleasure and there's nothing I can do about it. It's The Polonia Brothers. They make movies for me I swear to God Almighty. Their bigfoot epic AMONG US is among one of my favorite films. And how can you beat Misty Mundae..I mean Erin Brown as the crazy girl in one of her more fun roles. Plus we get Erika Smith and that gorgeous bod of hers and wild monsters and cool surf music. One of the most fun flicks of the year. And it even comes with a CD of all the groovy tunes.

2. THE INCONFESSABLE ORGIES OF EMMANUELLE . Another in the string of releases from small companies, in this case Severin Films, giving us another Jess Franco film. This is Franco's take on Emmanuelle and it's interesting how he turns her into more of a secondary character in her own flick. This is Franco doing some of his most interesting work and should be a must for any true Eurotrash connoisseur.

1. THE DUNGEON OF DR. DRECK . Okay, in this case I saved the best for last. Michael Legge gives us the origins of a horror movie host from the 60's. Big difference is that this guy is really a mad scientist. And his sidekick is a real zombie cheerleader. From the opening homage to Romero's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, to the special effect glasses that you need to wear half way through the pic, this is a tribute to the days of yesteryear when movies were good hearted fun and this is no exception. I might be a little biased because we supplied the lab equipment that is in the title shot and all of the Waltz family are in the closing credits with official doctorates to boot. This is the best film of 2007 and needs to be viewed by all. If you haven't checked it out yet be sure to spend some of that leftover Christmas moolah on this wonderful film.

And that's it for us here at Penguin for 2007. Hopefully you all have a wonderful new year and many more. And here's to another year of great movies!

NEW CONTEST

The folks over at Warner Bros. have a new contest for you all to enter. Just head on over to

www.appleseedtrailerremix.com

and get all the details. Good luck and have fun.!